Feedback- Positive or Negative?

We all get feedback every day. Some of it is positive. Some of it is negative. Some is actually neither but we perceive it as one or the other. And some of it is just down-right MEAN.

Feedback comes in words, actions, lack of response, and from our own bodies. Hunger, habits, pain, bodily functions are all feedbacks of different types.

But today let’s talk about verbal feedback.

Recently I received a feedback that I am a negative person. Now I look at the comments and want to check if I really am as negative as they say? From my viewpoint all I wanted to do is understand their thinking, I was asking for information or making comments on things I could see that could be improved. But it seems that it is easier to call me negative rather that admit they don’t want to look at the situation I am seeing. This is over-simplified as there is lots of other stuff happening and that does affect the choice of words on all sides of the equation.

Business, governance and even life are about managing risk. If you bungy jump or parachute or do some other risky potentially life threatening activity, you check to see that the situation is safe. You ask about the risks and the safety provisions. You understand that there are back-ups, safety harness, secondary chutes. Often we assume that they are in place but we fail to check that they are. We believe that since we are paying for the experience, the staff and owners will ensure our safety. Have you ever really read the forms you sign before stepping out on the ledge?

Maxwell Maltz wrote a book on Psycho-cybernetics many years ago. It was written as a personal development book and the basis of the book was that feedback both positive and negative would benefit athletes, staff and even parents raising children.

Feedback – Reactions/Actions?

  1. How you give that feedback affects the person receiving that feedback but the effect depends on the relationship. A strong relationship means the feedback can be discussed and both parties learn more about themselves and the other person.
  2. Unless you understand exactly what the person giving feedback means by the feedback given, the resulting actions and emotions can be unexpected.
  3. Bullying is a form of feedback yet we often pay coaches and others to help us change a habit or improve a performance.
  4. The person receiving the feedback can accept or refuse the feedback depending on their level of respect for the person giving the feedback or their opportunity to respond to unjust feedback.
  5. Feedback happens on many levels. Touch a hot stove, a sharp knife or walk into an unknown situation. Feedback helps keep us safe and teaches us to watch out for certain situations.
  6. Movies, television, media, books and other entertainment provides us with feedback on worlds we may never encounter. Our expectations on what will happen is coloured by our experiences, knowledge and ideas.
  7. We can give permission to people to give us negative feedback – sports coaches, diet coaches and sometimes bosses. But that feedback can then carry over into other areas of our life unless the feedback is constructed to comment only on our behaviour or the viewing of the actions, not on who we are.
  8. When feedback is destructive to “who the person is”, then what tends to happen can be soul destroying and can lead to depression and other serious health states. Telling a person they are stupid or useless are examples of this kind of soul-destroying feedback.
  9. When you receive feedback that hurts you can modify it by saying yes at the moment that may be true but…and then do something that builds esteem. A gratitude exercise can help and so can a hug
  10. Remember that feedback is a loop, a loop you can change. The Universe sent this message to me today. I think the sage advise here is a great way to deal with feedback.

The next time someone upsets you, think, “Thanks for pointing out that I’ve begun depending on you. Time I lose the expectations.” 

And the next time someone doesn’t take your view into account, think, “That’s okay, I was once like that.” 

And if someone steals from you, think, “It was nothing, my supply is the Universe.” 

Or lies to you, think, “I’m sorry you feel that need.” 

Violates you, “All for my growth and glory.” 

Is rude to you, “Cheer up, dear soul, it’ll be okay.” 

Judges you, “Thanks for sharing your truth.” 

Drives by you like a bat out of hell, “Be careful, my friend. I love you.” 

And the next time someone greets you with a smile, smile back, like you’re sharing a secret. 

Headmaster,
The Universe

My feedback to you today:

You are AMAZING

Have a wonderful day

Word Mentalist

Purposeful Living Paradigm #1

The Life Equations

It started as a parody on Einstein’s equation (E = Mc2 ). The thought was that there should be an equation that fits how we live. Not a linear equation, but one that was at least quadratic in form.

But what would be the elements, the equivalents to E and M and c?

What do people look for in their lives?

Our first attempts were money, health and entertainment. But these were too fixed to suit our approach. So, we started with synonyms: Wealth, Health and Enjoyment. Still too restrictive for what we wanted, and extremely hard to measure.

We eventually opted for the Three F’s…

  • Fun: that’s enjoyment, entertainment and more. It can also incorporate “bliss”, “energy”, and more.
  • Funds: the available resources that someone can have. Accounting tends to put everything down to money, and we were using the parody in a business sense. To simplify, we added the meaning of Time — you need the TIME to get things done. And it alliterates nicely with Fun
  • Fitness: If the other two began with F, then the health component should also start with an F. But Fitness can also include “being fit for purpose”, hence we could use it for physical fitness, emotional fitness, mental fitness and even spiritual fitness, whatever that could mean.

But what would be the right equation?

We chose:

F = F * F2

But which F stands for which element?

That’s the humorous part — they just all need to be there.

It gives us six life equations….

The Development Equation (Early Years)

Fun = Funds * Fitness2

As children, our lives are (mostly) about Fun. We don’t have to worry about where funds are coming from, and we do our best to be fit for all the fun we can have.

The  Rebellious-Phase Equation (Teenager Years)

As teens, we start to look at fitness for our future lives, so the subject has to be Fitness. We get fitter in all kinds of ways by mixing Funds with Fun, but Fun is the biggest contributor:

Fitness = Funds * Fun2

The Finding Your Place Equation ( Young Adult)

Suddenly, resources are the main concern, Fun isn’t as much a contributor but we have to have the knowledge and skills to generate the funds:

Funds = Fun * Fitness2

The Maturing Equation (Family/Career/Adulthood)

Funds are still our main concern, but Fitness drops, and we want to really enjoy what we do. We buy into the idea that Fun (our Bliss) is the main contributor to our earnings.

Funds = Fitness * Fun2 

 

The “What Next” Equation (Change of Life Style)

Fitness = Fun * Funds2 

At this stage of life, we usually have all the resources we can use, but we are more interested in the quality of life, rather than the quantity.

The  Rewards Equation (The Final Third Stage)

Fun = Fitness * Funds2

The circle of life/business is complete.

The stages apply to business, life and community but the key is evolution and the continual need for the components of FUN, FUNDS and FITNESS in some proportion in your life.

REMEMBER – teach your grandchildren the components and the formulae so that their world has purpose that is fulfilled.

Enjoy Fun, Funds and Fitness today

Word Mentalist

Sharing Definitions Stops Success Thieves

One of the greatest challenges people are experiencing every day is understanding each other. Why?

Because we fail to define what we mean and that steals our success with the relationship with that person.

If we look at the Trump-Clinton clashes, how many of their differences are the result of how they define the problems and issues.

Many years ago my son and his wife were going through a challenging time and one of the comments that was made at the time was the different way they described the situation which meant that they dealt with the situation very differently.

Working with the Behavioral Archetypes, we know that a person who is primarily a “face” has very different definitions than someone who is a “heart” or “hands”. Recently I have been very challenged by the face behaviour people in my life and have  left an organisation I loved dearly because the definitions of concepts like respect, sharing and seeing the best were so different.

What is Your  Definition of Achievement? 

Look at the words in the picture. How do you define each of those words?

Now go ask a business colleague for their definition of the same words? (No prompting just what does “…” mean to you)

Now ask your grandparents 0r parents how they define those words and if you no longer have grandparents or parents ask someone at least 20 years older than you are.

And then go ask a child, someone 20 years younger than you, for their definition.

What happened? Did you get the same definition?

Is anyone right? Is anyone wrong?

When you get a “rich shared map” of what people mean by a word, concept, activity, you start to build a shared idea and can move to a different level of communication.

And when that happens, success thieves are stopped. You now  can make a real difference to your relationship. And that leads to – WHATEVER You DESIRE.

Please share what happened when you asked about the definitions. I know that when I talk with my children and grandchildren, it is always enlightening.

To your success

Word Mentalist

 

Awareness Stops Success Thieves

#awareness

A while ago,  I was listening to Ian Ferguson, one of New Zealand’s top Olympians discussing the secrets to winning gold medals. The secret…paying attention to what is happening to you and your body – i.e.AWARENESS.

Business advisors constantly tell you to focus on one thing at ta time. And when you focus you have to be aware. Aware of what you are doing what results you want. Aware of what is actually happening.

When you meditate, you are aware of your mantra, your breath or some other specific point. The greater your awareness of a single thing, the more you can find peace and answers.

Success requires that same level of awareness.

  • A laser focus.
  • A clear picture or objective, goal, outcome.

And when you are so totally aware of what you want, there is no way anyone can steal your success. You stop those success thieves simply because there is no room in your mind for them.

Doubt occurs only when you stop being aware of your objective and activities

Fear happens when you pause and lose focus.

Possibility Thinking

Anything is possible if you truly believe. The challenge is to keep doubt and fear away. Awareness is the only way of doing that.

What exactly should you be aware of?

  1. What you are thinking
  2. What you are doing
  3. What others are saying and more importantly not saying.

What is happening that you can control.

Always remember the Guide to Purposeful Living – Awareness, Acknowledgement, Acceptance, Appreciation and Action.

And live by the Manifesto to a Meaningful Life – Keep your word, Assume Nothing, Take Nothing Personal, Always do your best and Regret Nothing.

Through  AWARENESS YOU control.

Through Awareness You make choices that keep success thieves at bay.

Being Aware helps you feel purposeful, passionate and happy.

So be aware. Stop your success thieves.

Live long and prosper

Word Mentalist

Words, Understanding and the Success Thieves

Words and how we understand them can either help us succeed or totally steal our success. The Assumptions we make about the meaning of the words we use impacts on our success.

When you listen to the words of Ronan Keating – When you say nothing at all implies that expressing love can be done without words but… Listen for a moment

The smile on your face,
The look in your eyes,
The touch of your hand
Lets me know that you need me.

Do we really need the words to form an impression, an idea or a concept? Or do we assume that the we understand what the other person is trying to convey without words. According to this song…NO words are needed.

But…

Word Awareness

By being aware of the words you use, you can understand first yourself and then others. And that understanding leads to you being able to accept and acknowledge what those words mean and how they affect you and others.

Do you even need words?

According to the song, words are unnecessary for him to know that “you need me” but is that an assumption and can that assumption lead to heartbreak?

My husband and I have been married over 47 years but while I know that he needs (wants) me, I am also aware of the language we use. There have been times when I say or do something that annoys him totally. We needed words to prevent the shattering and success of our long term relationship if we let it. Words clear up situations. They allow us to express ourselves and learn more about ourselves and those who matter.

By understanding the words on all levels – mental, emotional, physical and spiritual, we can stop those thieves that could destroy a wonderful friendship, relationship and support.

Unkind Words

There are many times you use a word that others find unkind or offensive but your intention was not to offend. Your intention was only to help, instead the other person misunderstood and suddenly the relationship shatters.

Today’s challenge:

Look at the words you use this week and what you understand them to mean and what others seem understand. If in doubt ask them what they understood you to mean?

Look at how this affect the success in your relationships?

And remember your smile, your touch, do make a difference but the other person may still not know what you really need or want.

Together let’s build more success by watching the words and assumptions we make.

Cheers

#robertabudvietas