Success is a word loaded with emotion, meaning and confusion.
Why the confusion?
Simply because we are taught to think of success in terms of things, status and possessions rather than personal well-being.
Owning a home, a BIG home, owning a nice care, having nice clothes, the latest and greatest cell phone and the highest salary possible,
Who is deciding what makes you successful?
Every day we are bombarded with advertising that says:
Buy this new and improved product because you deserve it.
Eat this to feel better.
The messages are subtle – the side of trucks, the side of cars, the road side, on buses and at our sports games. You may be able to avoid advertising on television by channel hoping or watching TV on demand but the programmes are full of product placements. Apple for years had their computers in schools so that what people would want to buy is Apple products.
Movies and television promote the big, beautiful and “success” image of ownership of fine things. Even in the reality shows, the successful people wear expensive clothes and jewelry.
The message is subtle but it does affect most of us if we are not constantly aware. Jealousy when someone you know succeeds at something is growing and with it two other, perhaps unrelated things increase: Anger and despair.
Success relates to HOPE!
Happy, a choice you make
Open to new learnings
Peaceful, a feeling of well-being
Enlightened, aware of the wonders of life.
Should we think of Success as a feeling within yourself that says “I’m grateful and doing well”?
Should success be measured by our learnings and interactions rather than the number of dollars in our bank account or the total of our assets?
Given that people have short memories, what do you want to be remembered for: the difference you made in their life or how important you are?
What does success really mean to you? Please leave a comment today.
Political Correctness, in my humble opinion, is a HUGE Success thief.
Political Correctness is a majority opinion that looks first at simple things you agree with and then creates absolutes that take thought and care to disagree with.
Political Correctness feeds the SHOULD Thief.
Political Correctness is the THEY that say “you should…” just because they say you should.
Can you see how Political Correctness might limit your choices?
Political Correctness sets those bars that often stop people from thinking on their own. After all if they say, then obviously that is right.
Positive Discrimination can shine a light on something that only had a limited problem and blown it out of proportion to the size of the problem thus fulfilling the concernPolitical Correctness creates sacred cows. Common sense says certain things are true but what Political Correctness does is make shine a light and set new “rules” around a situation that may or may not have been a problem
The following examples are here for you consideration and comment:
The New Zealand anti-smacking law was brought in to stop deaths and violence against children. However the Ministry of Social Welfare reports that since 2006 there has been an increase in extreme violence against children. And worse several parents have been charged for smacking a child in public. We all agree smacking is bad, right. But what is the difference between beating a child and smacking their hand or bum to get their attention or make a point?
The New Zealand anti-smoking lobby began over 20 years ago. In the last 10 or so years it has become illegal to smoke in bars, restaurants, office buildings and many other public spaces. Are you aware of the statistics around lung cancer then and now? Could the increase be due more to the number of vehicles on the road or worse as one study I saw a few years ago said, the rate of smoking related deaths was equivalent to the rate women were wearing panyhose. How absurd?
Then there is the attitude around drugs to treat cancer. Why are some drugs readily acceptable while others that have only anecdotal evidence are rejected? And can anyone tell me why with over 50 years of cancer research and billions of dollars invested, cancer rates keep increasing? (As an aside, I know from personal experience that one can land up on the records as a cancer survivor if you have a non-cancerous lump removed)
And then there is this absurd example: In New Zealand we have a company who rents cheap vehicles and the PC brigade wants to put them out of business.
Why, you ask?
Because of the slogans on their vans.
Yes, many of their slogans are disgusting but…some people like them while others HATE them. Hate them to the point of criminal charges, reporting them to Advertising Standards Authorities in Australia. In New Zealand, camping grounds are refusing them entry but…
Why did they start this campaign? Why paint their vans with “crudity”?
Because to stand out from all the other rental options, they wanted to be controversial.
Think of the marketing awareness they are getting because media reports something when ever someone “important” comments. Think of what is happening on Social media. Could you pay for that kind of awareness?
It almost reminds me of the Donald Trump campaign for President. Say the obvious. Talk about the issues in a controversial way that a lot of people agree with and the next thing you know people believe in you and start taking everything you say seriously.
Donald Trump is not anti political correctness I think that he wants to change the controllers of Political Correctness. He wants to give voice to another set of people who will reset the absolutes, the shoulds and the musts.
What can you do?
First be aware of what is happening.
Listen for the shoulds.
Decide if you agree and why you think the way you do.
Then acknowledge what is happening, accept the difference, appreciate the lesson and opinion and decide a course of action that will ensure you stay in control of your success.
I never finished all 30 day but my insight from the process is to confirm how blessed and fortunate I am. This does not mean a perfect life but a life that is good and this year has some wonderful prospects. Eight months into the year, many things, both good and bad, have happened but we are still blessed, happy and relatively healthy/
What is a fresh start and how does it relate to success thieves?
When you decide that you want to do something, think something or simply act differently, you have a fresh start.
Remind yourself when you doubt or question what you are doing that you are making a fresh start because TODAY is your day.
Fresh Starts Require Fresh Thinking
And to think fresh you need to stay aware of what you are thinking, doing and saying.
If you slip and move into regret or old patterns, then simply acknowledge that emotion and thoughts and move to the new patterns and restart the process.
The most wonderful thing about fresh starts is there is NO LIMIT on how many times you can start again.
When you notice patterns or old habits returning, accept them and then challenge them Habits like eating patterns, especially for those hoping to affect their weight (either up or down). New study habits, new relationships or new career moves or even stopping smoking, drinking or drug use only requires doing it one second/minute/hour/day at a time.
Appreciate the progress you are making and get support and help when you feel overwhelmed.
And perhaps one of the best things you can do to have a really good fresh start is limit your social media activities as well as your input from news and gossip.
Your fresh start is independent of whatever is happening in the world outside of your immediate environment.
Yes, you need to know if a storm is coming, a fire or other danger that requires you to take action to stay safe. You control your actions, your thoughts and your reactions. And that means you are able to continuously fresh start.
Fresh starts are about you. Choose what you want and go for it.
Remember that what stops you from making that fresh start often has one of two causes:
Lack of imagination. The reluctance to find a solution or change what is or even to ask for help.
Commitment to start something new. Commitment to overcome the fear of change.
Where do you want the fresh start to take you to? Once you know that you just have to figure out the route and the constraints and then adapt and adjust and KEEP MOVING.
And remember that there are many coaches, mentors and advisors out there who have overcome similar challenges by making continuous fresh starts.
Enjoy making your fresh start and remember to ask me if you believe I can help you move forward.
Over the last forty years I have been studying success and all of the different meanings and measures.
Success Magazine is a wonderful resources. Many of their resources date back to the start of last century. Others are more recent but one common theme – you need to decide what success looks like for you.
The secret is to find the book, expert, author, coach that is right for you RIGHT NOW!
Oh and let’s not forget; Who Stole My Success? by Moi. If you comment on your route to success below, I will send you a free copy of the book as a thank you.
Personal, Present, Positive ones like
“I am the greatest” Mohammed Ali
“I am an optimist. It does not seem to be much use being anything else.” Winston Churchill
“I am a product of my decisions” Stephen Covey
“I am unlimited in my wealth. All areas of my life are abundant and fulfilling.” Louise Hay
I am blessed with an incredible family and wonderful friends.
“Every decision I make is the right one for me” Louise Hay
Get a Positive reinforcement into your inbox every day
Subscribe to Hay House as well as Success Magazine.
AND NEVER let anyone chose how you feel about your success.
Keep your Hope alive.
Keep your Faith in you.
Keep your friends close to you.
Let go of the idiots who need to bring you down for them to feel good.
GOD Created YOU and GOD does not make mistakes.
Success is yours when you believe that you are successful, amazing and awesome.
You are fulfilling a purpose so move your life forward and live the wonderous YOU.
Live your Success
I believe in you even if I don’t know you yet. I am here to support you on your journey to live your purpose and enjoy the success that comes from Purposeful Living. Like the Purposeful Living Paradigm page to continue to experience more fun, funds and fitness.
Thriving depends on connection. You really achieve very little on your own and since we rarely pat ourselves on our own backs, who else will support us and cheer us on?
We are all here on this earth on purpose. We all belong here. We all exist to help and serve others so let’s think about how we live.
Fear dies when we stop feeling isolated. Remember how it feels to be loved. To be cared for and nurtured. We need more of that feeling not less. We need that feeling at all ages.
Success is not about having powerful jobs, lots of money and lots of power. Look at people you admire and study their careers. How many destroy what is good when they get power?
How many burn out quickly when they are on the top of their “game/career’? Alcohol, drugs grab hold because people need something to make them feel better or to calm then down.
Let’s talk more about cohabiting. Talk about community not in what can you do for me or for the less fortunate but what can we do for each other. How do we stop the insanity?
Do we tell governments, politicians and despots/dictators to take a hike and instead of waiting for someone else to fix the problem around us, we do it ourselves.
We go out and patch the road, feed the hungry and house the homeless. We acknowledge that everyone has a value and we accept and appreciate what everyone can contribute. We feed the hungry and they help us with the garden or the housework. Not charity but sharing and helping. Walking together. Reading together. Laughing together. Sharing heartaches and joys. We help others to learn by sharing our stories and experiences especially those about caring for others.
I believe that cohabiting is the future for every apartment building and gated community and suburb but …we need to change our attitude and stop fearing that we will lose something precious. There is only one thing precious.
And life is precious because it is about love, interconnectivity, faith and expressing those things.
What do you really want in your LIFE? What do you have in your life that you value that keeps you on living your purpose.
Let us create villages. The concept is growing geographically but now it needs to grow emotionally and connectivity wise. It will take a change in thinking, attitude and it will push boundaries.
Have you ever felt that you reach a point and you have no idea of what to do now?
Often this question is asking you to consider one of 2 things:
Am I living to my purpose?
Do I need to redefine/review my constraints and choices?
When we problem solve, we need to know 5 things.
Where we want to go? Move To
Where we are now? Move Form
What are the choices/optional activities to reach our objective? Paths
What are the constraints on those choices including who else do we need to involve. Constraints
Actions to move from where we are to where we want to be.
The greatest challenge is often to be clear on where we want to go?
Most of us know we don’t want to be where we are but…we are often afraid to envision where we want to be or worse we look at what we have and are afraid of losing it.
Many years ago, Peter and I packed up a wonderful life in Canada for a new adventure. We moved half way around the world with 40 boxes and 8 suitcases and 2 children under 12. We knew we wanted a different life. Peter always intended to move to New Zealand when he left Glasgow. So I knew we were coming to New Zealand when we married. The when was dependent on many variables.
Since coming to New Zealand, we have explored many different living conditions and styles. We have renovated old villas, built homes similar to what we lived in when we were in Canada. We have lived in apartments, flats, and different types of houses. (Yes we are a bit nomadic).
We have started companies, trained entrepreneurs, managed companies, gone back to university, run projects, worked on boards, mentored hundreds of people and so many more adventures.
In all our adventures, we wanted to meet both our purposes.
Peter’s to learn as much as possible not from formal education but through experience and book (internet) learning.
Mine was to help people and Peter supported me in this allowing me to help thousands of people learn and manage businesses and create new careers for themselves.
So when we ask “what next” we always revisit our purpose and look at what we can do next to meet that purpose.
Do you love basics? Knowing the rules? Doing what is acceptable/expected? Then you probably have some ABCs that you do in your life and business. The basics!
The Purposeful Living Paradigm is a methodology we have been living for most of our married lives (a span of 48 years shortly). Peter started living that way as a child, he has always lived to his purpose.
What is Peter’s purpose – to learn and understand as much as possible. He loves to synthesize new thoughts, new ways of looking at the world. He asks different and often difficult questions. He studies what people do and say and then asks them why and would they do things differently, if they could? His analytical ability astounds me. He is not a fan of formal education as he loves the research, the seeking out of patterns and behaviours. He listens. He prothletises. He challenges. He assumes very little. And he takes very little personally – your opinion is yours and he allows you to keep it.
My purpose is to help as many people as possible to live their purpose. As a business mentor this is often hard as I want to tell people what they should do if they really want the results they say they do. I tend to believe people and take them at face value. Sometimes this works really well but often people tell me only what they think I want to hear and that means we have a confused base to start applying the ABC’s of the Purposeful Living Paradigm.
Before I explain the ABCs, we need to understand the word paradigm and one of the quirks of human nature.
aframeworkcontainingthebasicassumptions,waysofthinking,andmethodologythatarecommonlyacceptedbymembersofa scientificcommunity such as acognitiveframeworksharedbymembersofanydiscipline orgroup.
A quirk – most people when they shift paradigms cannot remember ever having believed or thought differently. It takes awareness and discipline to recall old paradigms and when we shift our paradigms we generally believe we are moving to something better so why would we want to recall the previous paradigm. Shifting is because either the old paradigm did not work or we saw the light of the new paradigm. And yes I want you to shift but shift so that choose and remember.
That is importance of the A in the ABCs.
The ABC’s of Purposeful Living Paradigm
A: AWARENESS/ ACTION
Are you aware of your thoughts and actions?
Are you aware of what is happening around you without getting distracted from your activities?
Are you taking action and doing something that moves you towards meeting your needs and the needs of those around you.
Are you acting in a manner consistent with your purpose?
Are you acting according to your values?
Actions matter but it is your behaviour that tells more. Using the Behavioural Archetypes, we often learn that we act in a way that is more reactive than natural.
Behaviour is how we live our values and our manifesto.
What you believe in keeps you on course to live your purpose.
Concepts are the ideas and beliefs that we hold and we need to always live and act in a manner consistent with those beliefs. Unless we live purposefully according to our beliefs we can feel guilty.
Guilt and remorse are different. Remorse occurs when you inadvertently hurt someone. Guilt is when you hurt someone intentionally. Either way, apologise and forgive and move on. This is not easy but can be done without regret or concern.
What are you committed to? Passion and purpose fit with our commitments and our commitments are what we promise ourselves and others. Are you committed to live your values and purpose. Commitment overcomes obstacles and keeps you focused on what matters to you.
Are you using the ABC’s to live a purposeful life? Need help with these aspects? Just ask? You can learn and participate in the Paradigm by joining the Paradigm’s Facebook Page
Recently we introduced people to the Purposeful Living Paradigm. This paradigm is based on over 50 years of study, learning, experience and helping/mentoring business owners, students and colleagues.
We have learned from hundreds of gurus and we believe they have missed a couple of elements that we believe are key to the paradigm.
We believe in personal responsibility,
We believe in true equality (no hierarchy)
We believe that business can be conducted in a manner where everyone gains what they need in a timely fashion which eliminates poverty and isolation.
We believe that living in the paradigm means that you are connected to others but your realise that it is a privilege, not a right.
In the paradigm, you know the difference between responsibility to and responsibility for.
Awareness is a key to living in the paradigm. You acknowledge that everyone is and they are perfectly them in this moment. You accept that they have a right to their point of view, ideas and concepts and you appreciate the differences and similarities.
You live by a manifesto of doing your best, assuming nothing, taking nothing personally and regret nothing because you did your best and learned from the experience.
Because purpose is important.
Purpose keeps you going through tough times.
Purpose ensures that everyone benefits.
Purpose removes the need for security blankets because it recognises the continual growth and development that purposeful living people experience.
Purpose challenges assumptions and helps one acknowledge, accept and appreciate others
Purpose keeps you grateful, humble and living in the now.
Purpose helps you enjoy day to day more fun, funds (resources) and fitness (mental, physical, emotional and spiritual).
If you want to join the paradigm or learn more about living in the paradigm, join our Facebook Page and watch for more information coming shortly.
If you want your organisation or business to be more purposeful and enjoy the true benefits of purpose let us know.
We all get feedback every day. Some of it is positive. Some of it is negative. Some is actually neither but we perceive it as one or the other. And some of it is just down-right MEAN.
Feedback comes in words, actions, lack of response, and from our own bodies. Hunger, habits, pain, bodily functions are all feedbacks of different types.
But today let’s talk about verbal feedback.
Recently I received a feedback that I am a negative person. Now I look at the comments and want to check if I really am as negative as they say? From my viewpoint all I wanted to do is understand their thinking, I was asking for information or making comments on things I could see that could be improved. But it seems that it is easier to call me negative rather that admit they don’t want to look at the situation I am seeing. This is over-simplified as there is lots of other stuff happening and that does affect the choice of words on all sides of the equation.
Business, governance and even life are about managing risk. If you bungy jump or parachute or do some other risky potentially life threatening activity, you check to see that the situation is safe. You ask about the risks and the safety provisions. You understand that there are back-ups, safety harness, secondary chutes. Often we assume that they are in place but we fail to check that they are. We believe that since we are paying for the experience, the staff and owners will ensure our safety. Have you ever really read the forms you sign before stepping out on the ledge?
Maxwell Maltz wrote a book on Psycho-cybernetics many years ago. It was written as a personal development book and the basis of the book was that feedback both positive and negative would benefit athletes, staff and even parents raising children.
Feedback – Reactions/Actions?
How you give that feedback affects the person receiving that feedback but the effect depends on the relationship. A strong relationship means the feedback can be discussed and both parties learn more about themselves and the other person.
Unless you understand exactly what the person giving feedback means by the feedback given, the resulting actions and emotions can be unexpected.
Bullying is a form of feedback yet we often pay coaches and others to help us change a habit or improve a performance.
The person receiving the feedback can accept or refuse the feedback depending on their level of respect for the person giving the feedback or their opportunity to respond to unjust feedback.
Feedback happens on many levels. Touch a hot stove, a sharp knife or walk into an unknown situation. Feedback helps keep us safe and teaches us to watch out for certain situations.
Movies, television, media, books and other entertainment provides us with feedback on worlds we may never encounter. Our expectations on what will happen is coloured by our experiences, knowledge and ideas.
We can give permission to people to give us negative feedback – sports coaches, diet coaches and sometimes bosses. But that feedback can then carry over into other areas of our life unless the feedback is constructed to comment only on our behaviour or the viewing of the actions, not on who we are.
When feedback is destructive to “who the person is”, then what tends to happen can be soul destroying and can lead to depression and other serious health states. Telling a person they are stupid or useless are examples of this kind of soul-destroying feedback.
When you receive feedback that hurts you can modify it by saying yes at the moment that may be true but…and then do something that builds esteem. A gratitude exercise can help and so can a hug
Remember that feedback is a loop, a loop you can change. The Universe sent this message to me today. I think the sage advise here is a great way to deal with feedback.
The next time someone upsets you, think, “Thanks for pointing out that I’ve begun depending on you. Time I lose the expectations.”
And the next time someone doesn’t take your view into account, think, “That’s okay, I was once like that.”
And if someone steals from you, think, “It was nothing, my supply is the Universe.”
Or lies to you, think, “I’m sorry you feel that need.”
Violates you, “All for my growth and glory.”
Is rude to you, “Cheer up, dear soul, it’ll be okay.”
Judges you, “Thanks for sharing your truth.”
Drives by you like a bat out of hell, “Be careful, my friend. I love you.”
And the next time someone greets you with a smile, smile back, like you’re sharing a secret.
It started as a parody on Einstein’s equation (E = Mc2 ). The thought was that there should be an equation that fits how we live. Not a linear equation, but one that was at least quadratic in form.
But what would be the elements, the equivalents to E and M and c?
What do people look for in their lives?
Our first attempts were money, health and entertainment. But these were too fixed to suit our approach. So, we started with synonyms: Wealth, Health and Enjoyment. Still too restrictive for what we wanted, and extremely hard to measure.
We eventually opted for the Three F’s…
Fun: that’s enjoyment, entertainment and more. It can also incorporate “bliss”, “energy”, and more.
Funds: the available resources that someone can have. Accounting tends to put everything down to money, and we were using the parody in a business sense. To simplify, we added the meaning of Time — you need the TIME to get things done. And it alliterates nicely with Fun
Fitness: If the other two began with F, then the health component should also start with an F. But Fitness can also include “being fit for purpose”, hence we could use it for physical fitness, emotional fitness, mental fitness and even spiritual fitness, whatever that could mean.
But what would be the right equation?
F = F * F2
But which F stands for which element?
That’s the humorous part — they just all need to be there.
It gives us six life equations….
The Development Equation (Early Years)
Fun = Funds * Fitness2
As children, our lives are (mostly) about Fun. We don’t have to worry about where funds are coming from, and we do our best to be fit for all the fun we can have.
The Rebellious-Phase Equation (Teenager Years)
As teens, we start to look at fitness for our future lives, so the subject has to be Fitness. We get fitter in all kinds of ways by mixing Funds with Fun, but Fun is the biggest contributor:
Fitness = Funds * Fun2
The Finding Your Place Equation ( Young Adult)
Suddenly, resources are the main concern, Fun isn’t as much a contributor but we have to have the knowledge and skills to generate the funds:
Funds = Fun * Fitness2
The Maturing Equation (Family/Career/Adulthood)
Funds are still our main concern, but Fitness drops, and we want to really enjoy what we do. We buy into the idea that Fun (our Bliss) is the main contributor to our earnings.
Funds = Fitness * Fun2
The “What Next” Equation (Change of Life Style)
Fitness = Fun * Funds2
At this stage of life, we usually have all the resources we can use, but we are more interested in the quality of life, rather than the quantity.
The Rewards Equation (The Final Third Stage)
Fun = Fitness * Funds2
The circle of life/business is complete.
The stages apply to business, life and community but the key is evolution and the continual need for the components of FUN, FUNDS and FITNESS in some proportion in your life.
REMEMBER – teach your grandchildren the components and the formulae so that their world has purpose that is fulfilled.